Mattress Warranty?

I have a whole new appreciation for mattresses. Well, actually not the mattress itself per se, although the new mattress I scooped up for myself ROCKS and I may never leave my bed again. But it’s the warranty that come with the mattress that leaves me dumb founded. I’ve always thought that once you buy something it’s your responsibility to take care of it and if you wreck it, well, too bad, so sad. Ah, but not with a new mattress.

First of all, I didn’t even know mattresses came with warranties. Second of all I couldn’t imagine what the warranty was actually for. Well, let me tell you. My new floor model mattress (hey – I’m looking for deals in any shape or form!) comes with a crazy 10 year warranty basically letting me off the hook for any damage, minor or major, that occurs. If I fall asleep while eating ice cream and it soaks through to the mattress (yes, this has happened) they will come to my house and clean it. If I pee my bed, they will come to my house and clean it (not that I pee my bed). If I burn a hole in it with my cigarette, they’ll come and fix it. If I knock over a bottle of nail polish on it, yep, you got, they’ll come clean it. If I rip it they will come and fix it. If I gouge a big hole in it, it’ll get fixed. If I dump my tea all over it, it will be cleaned. Oh the possibilities are endless! Basically, if I do anything to this mattress that makes it look imperfect, they will come and either clean, fix or replace it. This is a warranty made for someone like me…a clumsy, spilly, sleep eating and not always too careful girl. And what about when I’m in a manic rage? Well damn, I can take out the scissors and knives and go to town on the mattress and then call them up when I’ve come down from my insanity. It’s perfect! Whoever came up with this mattress warranty concept is both genius and obtuse.