Remote Control 101

Dedicated to Dave, for his love of electronics and for loving me enough to show me how to work them properly. :)

Note: this blog is based on true events and is NOT an exaggeration. This is Remote Control 101.

So, we got a new TV. After many months of research and debate regarding plasma versus LCD, high definition, blue rays, pixels, 720 something, 1080 another, boxes for cable, boxes for games, uploading dvd players, cables for this, cables for that, and all sorts of other considerations that I cannot recall at this point, Dave proudly brought home his new baby…a lovely plasma TV measuring in at 42 inches and boasting, I’m sure, a great many other features that I am just oblivious too. I thought the TV we had was great. But really, what do I know? So out with the old and in with the new TV, a variety of boxes and cables that are attached to it, performing one function or another and 4 or 5 remote controls to make the whole thing work. Seriously…we went from a TV, a DVD player/stereo/sound system and some kind of game box (that’s 3 pieces of equipment) to a TV, the same DVD player/stereo/sound system from before, a cable box, an Xbox, a Playstation, and an Xbox DVD player. We have doubled our TV experience equipment here people! Maybe I’m stuck in a time warp, but I find it quite mind boggling!

After two weeks of adding, subtracting, returning, and exchanging pieces of this whole set up, it was time for my lesson on how to work the whole thing. I would like to note that during this period of set up, I was managing to watch TV with really no difficulty. But Dave, bless his heart and desire for me to be proficient in the use of our new equipment (and probably wanting to prevent damage to his new baby) thought it best that he configure everything to make it “as easy as possible” for me to work the TV and all of it’s accompanying components. So we sat down, me with pen, paper, and a handful of remotes in hand, for a lesson. I came away from that lesson with 2 full pages of notes. And I don’t mean sticky notes or little grocery list notepad pieces of paper.

So here is the lesson I learned, taken straight from my studious notes (which, by the way, I keep beside the couch for easy reference). There are 5 remote controls. To watch TV I will need the following three: the Motorola remote, the Panasonic remote and the Pioneer remote. I can choose whether to use all three or just two. Dave has given me instructions on using the Pioneer remote for sound and the Panasonic remote for the TV. Although for some reason I still sometimes turn on all three, causing me a short bit of extra confusion. But I digress. To turn on the TV, using the Panasonic remote, I mush push the “TV” button and then the “Power” button. Then I must hit the “DBS/CBL” button, followed by the “Power” button. I should see a picture. If I do not see a picture, then I must hit the “TV” button, followed by the “TV/VIDEO” button, after which I will use the arrow keys to scroll up to “Cable” and then push the “OKAY” button. In order to change the channels, I must push the “DBS/CBL” button and then use the channel up/down button or enter the numbers using the numbered buttons. To view the channel guide, I must hit “DBS/CBL” and then hit the “Submenu” button. Here I can see what is on and select my program. If I would like to actually hear what is going on, I should turn on the Pioneer remote by pushing the “Power” button. To hear the sound of the TV, I must use the “TV/AUX” button and select “Digital”. I then hit the “Mute” button on the Panasonic remote and use this (the Pioneer) to control the volume (which is in surround sound by the way, and the reason for using this remote in the first place!)

Is anyone following any of this? Because I was definitely struggling, especially since I had been getting picture and sound for two weeks without any of these complicated instructions and using only one remote!!! It was at this point that Dave, surely sensing my brain going into to “Sleep” mode, said (and I quote) “The simplest way to remember is to push the button to control what you want to use,” at which point I burst out laughing and wrote that down, noting that this was good blogging material. “Basically”, he said, “the “TV” button is for TV functions, like selecting cable or choosing the aspect (I won’t even get into that!) and the “DBS/CBL” button is for cable box functions, like channels and music.” And if I make a mistake I can always hit the “Exit” button. All righty then! And then, he tells me I can always use the Motorla remote instead! Ah, ya, I think I’ll stick to what I have just been taught. At least I have it all written down. Deep breath. I think I’ve survived my lesson.

But wait, there’s more. How to watch a DVD. I am told our DVD player/stereo/sound system is no longer used for watching DVDs. I don’t ask why. DVDs can now be watched using the Xbox, the Playstation or the Xbox DVD player. High Definition DVDs go in the Xbox player. Blue Ray DVDs go in the Playstation. How I’m to tell the difference, I’m not sure and I do not ask. Regular DVDs I think can go anywhere, although Dave seems to have decided that the Playstation will be the main DVD player. I don’t know why. I am too tired to even ask. So, to watch a DVD, I will follow the above instructions to get the TV going. However, instead of choosing “Digital” for sound I will choose “TV” on the sound system (of course, this is so logical!). I will put in the DVD and hit the “TV” button (we’re still on the Panasonic remote here, in case you aren’t following this), followed by the “TV Video” button. I will then use the arrows and scroll to “Game” and hit “Okay” (again, so logical, choosing “game” when I am going to watch a movie!) Now I will choose the remote that goes with the box that the DVD is in. Apparently once I have followed these instructions, the movie will start and I can settle in for a Hollywood story. Suffice to say, while I am becoming more and more adept at controlling the television, I have yet to foray alone into the DVD scene. I have seen what comes up on the screen when Dave puts a movie in and I am certain that I would have no idea how to get to the movie and that the remote control would be hurled at the new TV. And this would be bad. Very bad.

Sigh. Does anyone remember when you had a TV, probably with about 12 channels, maybe some rabbit ears on it, and the picture and volume came out of that one box, the TV guide came in the weekend paper and if you wanted to change the channel you had get your ass off the couch and use the dial on the TV or order your children to do it for you? Who knew then the future of the television would become so complicated? By the time I get this all set up I’m exhausted and I don’t even feel like watching TV anymore!