Tickets and a Backstage Pass

This one's for Dave...my man with the connections! :)


I was busy typing away Saturday morning (well, actually it would afternoon to everyone else, but in my world morning is noon), trying to get all my work done so I could just enjoy the rest of the weekend when Dave called me into the living room. I figured he wanted to go out for a smoke, and I was ready for a break. “Do we have any plans for tomorrow night?” he asked. “No,” I said, thinking he was making plans to play video games or something. “Do you want to go to the Bon Jovi concert?” Do I want to go the Bon Jovi concert? Um, let me think about this. Hmmm. “YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I screamed as I proceeded to jump up and down and attack him.

We knew about the tour before it was announced because Hedley was opening for them. I totally wanted to go. I had never seen Hedley and how could I not want to go see Bon Jovi? After all, I spent my teenage years sleeping in a t-shirt with Jon’s face on it until said t-shirt literally disintegrated. Dave had tried to get tickets from Hedley’s manager Darren when the tour was announced, but none were to be had. So I had put the whole thing out of my head. Okay, I loved Bon Jovi when I was 14, but I didn’t love them enough to pay for tickets now. So when when Dave informed me that he had texted Darren again about tickets and Darren had texted back to say that there would be two tickets at will call for the Sunday night show, I was totally surprised and psyched! ”We’re going to Bon Jovi” was my mantra for the weekend. We didn’t know where our seats were, but I didn’t care…”We’re going to Bon Jovi…”

As I was getting ready for the concert on Sunday I realized that if I was 14 when I first saw Bon Jovi, 21 years had passed. That’s two decades. I briefly felt old. Very briefly. How old can I really be if I’m preparing to go to a rock concert? So there. As we headed to the stadium, trying not to get blown off the street by the wind (my hair was getting totally messed up here… how was I going to get Jon’s attention if my hair looked like a rat’s nest???) I was dying to know where our seats were. Dave told me that comp tickets usually aren’t the best seats. But it was like Christmas… I couldn’t wait to get to will call and get my hands on them.

So we arrive at will call and Dave signs for the tickets while I anxiously wait to rip them out of his hands and check the seats. I see section 118. I’m psyched! I have no idea where section 118 is, but I do know that if it’s a 100 number it’s on the lower level. I will not be getting a nose bleed. I am psyched! Then I see that Dave is also holding two patches that say “Special Guest” on them. He says they look to be backstage passes. I am now double psyched! “Are you sure those are backstage passes? Does that mean we really get to go backstage? Do we get to meet Bon Jovi? What do we do with them? Will you ask someone and find out?” I am pretty sure he is wishing I would shut up and be cool. Oh well, he may have been backstage all over the place, but I’ve never been backstage anywhere. This is soooo exciting!

We go through the “security” check with no problems. I’ve smuggled in a recording device for Dave by putting it in a big hole in my coat pocket. This damn hole that drives me insane finally comes in handy. So now we head off to find section 118. We find it and take a closer look at the tickets. Row 4. Row 4? OMG!!! The usher tells us to go down and to the left. I look right, expecting to see the stage on the other side of the arena. No, it’s left. We are in Row 4 to the side of the stage, maybe in line with about 15 floor rows in. We’re so close to the stage that the big screen for everyone far from the stage is past us! (Suckers!) I’m beyond excited. We head down to the stage before the show starts to say hi to some of Hedley’s crew, who are setting up for them. Confirmation that we are holding backstage passes is given. OMG!!! I’m going backstage! My mind is filled with images of rock stars and groupies lounging around in some swanky room full of drinks and food and people trying to get in and us just breezing by… It’s going to be very cool, I’m sure.

But first the concert. Hedley rocked. I had never seen them so I was really looking forward to it and they didn’t disappoint. And then Bon Jovi. They were awesome. It was an on your feet from the first song to the last song kind of show. Their new material may not be my style - I was really there for those old rock songs from the 80’s - but they put on an amazing show, playing for almost 3 hours. To me, seeing musicians that have survived the rock world for this long without dying or permanently damaging themselves, who can still perform their craft as if, say, 21 years hadn’t passed and keep a crowd on its feet for 3 hours is pretty amazing. Even if all I want to hear is the music that made them in the first place. So, Bon Jovi still rocks.

Okay, I know you’re all dying to hear about the backstage passes. At this point in the night, I was dying to use that baby to get me past those gates. Well, I’m sorry to report, it’s all a bit anticlimactic. First of all, in case you didn’t know (or are wondering about the picture), it is not cool to wear these passes (actually sticky patches) on your shirt. You wear it on your thigh. All right, so I make sure I’m “cool” and off we go. Here’s what I see: more cables going everywhere than you can imagine, making walking a little tricky. Then it’s a big open space where there are crew people everywhere packing up boxes and boxes and boxes of equipment. Basically, it’s the basement of GM Place. Extra seats and all that stuff. Then there is actually under the stage, where crew are packing up more boxes and boxes or equipment. I see cases labelled with names of band members and the instrument contained in the box. I see the dressing rooms for Bon Jovi, but the doors are closed and there is no sign of the band. I do not see any swanky rooms full of partying rock stars and their groupies. I don’t see any groupies at all. We had access to Hedley’s room, but since we waited until after Bon Jovi, Hedley had already left the building and their room had been taken down. We didn’t have any access to wherever it was that Bon Jovi was hanging out. So that, my friends, was backstage. Not quite what I was picturing. However, I can now say I’ve been backstage. And I did shake Richie Sambora’s guitar technician’s hand. So it wasn’t a total loss.

"Grande Awake?"

Since becoming a working girl last spring, I’ve been patronizing the Starbucks across the street from the office at least twice a day each day I work. Okay, I know what you’re thinking…I’ve become one of those “Starbucks people”. But it’s not like that, really! It just happens to be there and I need tea and my office has no facilities! What else can I do? Well, okay, maybe I have become one of those “Starbucks people”. But, hey, I live in Vancouver, my neighbourhood is a mecca of Starbucks, and really, they do have the best tea. I mean, what do you expect? So I stand in the longest line I’ve ever seen each morning for my Grande Awake Tea (at least I’m not ordering a seven word beverage!). And then again around lunch time, I break for my smoke and head into Starbucks for my second Grande Awake Tea. Over time, I’ve become a familiar face and am friendly with the staff.

At some point, when I stepped up to the cash register, there were one or two staff who just simply stated “Grande Awake?” as they punched it into the register, to which I would nod, smile (it’s nice to be remembered, even if it is only by a probably too low paid barrista working at Starbucks) and say thank you. Something that simple can make you feel like you’re special. Or at least it can for me. Or perhaps I am just somewhat pathetic. You be the judge. Anyways…as time went on, the majority of the staff were punching in my Awake tea before I even got to the counter. Soon, there were times when I could see my Awake tea being made while I was three or four deep in line. I’d get to the register, pay, grab my tea on the other side while the people who were ahead of me waited for their coffees. You can imagine how much I love this! Special attention in any form is what I’m all about! (sort of laugh here, but I must admit it’s true). New staff would be at the till and the barrista would be saying to them “she’s a Grande Awake, I’ve got it”. Oh ya, I’m feeling special! After awhile, this became pretty much the norm…I would walk in, get in line and I could see that someone was making my tea. Yesterday I came in, and when I arrived at the counter my tea was there waiting for me! It totally made my day. THAT is customer service!

So, it may only be a tea. It may only be one Starbucks. It may only be a handful of people working behind the counter. I may not know their names. They may not know mine. I may be just one person who frequents the place enough with the same order. But this one small thing can make my day, reminding me that it is the little things in life that can give me a big sense of feeling good. As my dear little brother always used to say to me (well actually, more about me, but that’s another story) “simple mind, simple pleasures”. Enough said.

Remote Control 101

Dedicated to Dave, for his love of electronics and for loving me enough to show me how to work them properly. :)

Note: this blog is based on true events and is NOT an exaggeration. This is Remote Control 101.

So, we got a new TV. After many months of research and debate regarding plasma versus LCD, high definition, blue rays, pixels, 720 something, 1080 another, boxes for cable, boxes for games, uploading dvd players, cables for this, cables for that, and all sorts of other considerations that I cannot recall at this point, Dave proudly brought home his new baby…a lovely plasma TV measuring in at 42 inches and boasting, I’m sure, a great many other features that I am just oblivious too. I thought the TV we had was great. But really, what do I know? So out with the old and in with the new TV, a variety of boxes and cables that are attached to it, performing one function or another and 4 or 5 remote controls to make the whole thing work. Seriously…we went from a TV, a DVD player/stereo/sound system and some kind of game box (that’s 3 pieces of equipment) to a TV, the same DVD player/stereo/sound system from before, a cable box, an Xbox, a Playstation, and an Xbox DVD player. We have doubled our TV experience equipment here people! Maybe I’m stuck in a time warp, but I find it quite mind boggling!

After two weeks of adding, subtracting, returning, and exchanging pieces of this whole set up, it was time for my lesson on how to work the whole thing. I would like to note that during this period of set up, I was managing to watch TV with really no difficulty. But Dave, bless his heart and desire for me to be proficient in the use of our new equipment (and probably wanting to prevent damage to his new baby) thought it best that he configure everything to make it “as easy as possible” for me to work the TV and all of it’s accompanying components. So we sat down, me with pen, paper, and a handful of remotes in hand, for a lesson. I came away from that lesson with 2 full pages of notes. And I don’t mean sticky notes or little grocery list notepad pieces of paper.

So here is the lesson I learned, taken straight from my studious notes (which, by the way, I keep beside the couch for easy reference). There are 5 remote controls. To watch TV I will need the following three: the Motorola remote, the Panasonic remote and the Pioneer remote. I can choose whether to use all three or just two. Dave has given me instructions on using the Pioneer remote for sound and the Panasonic remote for the TV. Although for some reason I still sometimes turn on all three, causing me a short bit of extra confusion. But I digress. To turn on the TV, using the Panasonic remote, I mush push the “TV” button and then the “Power” button. Then I must hit the “DBS/CBL” button, followed by the “Power” button. I should see a picture. If I do not see a picture, then I must hit the “TV” button, followed by the “TV/VIDEO” button, after which I will use the arrow keys to scroll up to “Cable” and then push the “OKAY” button. In order to change the channels, I must push the “DBS/CBL” button and then use the channel up/down button or enter the numbers using the numbered buttons. To view the channel guide, I must hit “DBS/CBL” and then hit the “Submenu” button. Here I can see what is on and select my program. If I would like to actually hear what is going on, I should turn on the Pioneer remote by pushing the “Power” button. To hear the sound of the TV, I must use the “TV/AUX” button and select “Digital”. I then hit the “Mute” button on the Panasonic remote and use this (the Pioneer) to control the volume (which is in surround sound by the way, and the reason for using this remote in the first place!)

Is anyone following any of this? Because I was definitely struggling, especially since I had been getting picture and sound for two weeks without any of these complicated instructions and using only one remote!!! It was at this point that Dave, surely sensing my brain going into to “Sleep” mode, said (and I quote) “The simplest way to remember is to push the button to control what you want to use,” at which point I burst out laughing and wrote that down, noting that this was good blogging material. “Basically”, he said, “the “TV” button is for TV functions, like selecting cable or choosing the aspect (I won’t even get into that!) and the “DBS/CBL” button is for cable box functions, like channels and music.” And if I make a mistake I can always hit the “Exit” button. All righty then! And then, he tells me I can always use the Motorla remote instead! Ah, ya, I think I’ll stick to what I have just been taught. At least I have it all written down. Deep breath. I think I’ve survived my lesson.

But wait, there’s more. How to watch a DVD. I am told our DVD player/stereo/sound system is no longer used for watching DVDs. I don’t ask why. DVDs can now be watched using the Xbox, the Playstation or the Xbox DVD player. High Definition DVDs go in the Xbox player. Blue Ray DVDs go in the Playstation. How I’m to tell the difference, I’m not sure and I do not ask. Regular DVDs I think can go anywhere, although Dave seems to have decided that the Playstation will be the main DVD player. I don’t know why. I am too tired to even ask. So, to watch a DVD, I will follow the above instructions to get the TV going. However, instead of choosing “Digital” for sound I will choose “TV” on the sound system (of course, this is so logical!). I will put in the DVD and hit the “TV” button (we’re still on the Panasonic remote here, in case you aren’t following this), followed by the “TV Video” button. I will then use the arrows and scroll to “Game” and hit “Okay” (again, so logical, choosing “game” when I am going to watch a movie!) Now I will choose the remote that goes with the box that the DVD is in. Apparently once I have followed these instructions, the movie will start and I can settle in for a Hollywood story. Suffice to say, while I am becoming more and more adept at controlling the television, I have yet to foray alone into the DVD scene. I have seen what comes up on the screen when Dave puts a movie in and I am certain that I would have no idea how to get to the movie and that the remote control would be hurled at the new TV. And this would be bad. Very bad.

Sigh. Does anyone remember when you had a TV, probably with about 12 channels, maybe some rabbit ears on it, and the picture and volume came out of that one box, the TV guide came in the weekend paper and if you wanted to change the channel you had get your ass off the couch and use the dial on the TV or order your children to do it for you? Who knew then the future of the television would become so complicated? By the time I get this all set up I’m exhausted and I don’t even feel like watching TV anymore!

And The Academy Award Goes To...

This blog is dedicated to my friend Maj for inspiring me to write it.

Recently I’ve been getting a lot of praise and encouragement about my writing (thank you, thank you…it keeps me wanting to write and yes, one day I do hope to write a book. It’s really the only retirement plan I can think of!) So perhaps I’m a good writer. But what many may not know is that I’m also a pretty good actress. While I may not have actually starred in anything formal and I have no real credits to my name and you won’t find me on the IMDB (mom, that’s the Internet Movie Database) most of you have seen my stunning performances up close and personal. And while I have had many memorable performances as a lunatic, I’m really referring to my stellar performances of me playing me. I actually spend a great deal of time (more than anyone would ever guess) acting like I am myself. Okay, let me rephrase that. I spend a great deal of time covering up the fact that I don’t feel great and act like I feel just fine. But really, at least in my mind, I pull off quite the performances!

You see, it’s like this. We all know I have this mood disorder thing. We all have our own understanding or knowledge about what it means. Everyone has some level of understanding that sometimes I might get manic or sometimes I might get depressed and that generally there are times when I am just not feeling well as a result of this mood disorder thing. What we don’t all understand is how I actually experience this mood disorder thing and how it affects me and my behaviour and my world in general. This is probably confusing and frustrating for everyone around me but it is even more so for me. Like right now, I just want to SCREAM to people, DON’T YOU GET IT??? But I can’t. It’s not easy to get. If you haven’t experienced it or been very close to someone who has you cannot fully understand it. And I guess I’ve sort of created this myself by being the fabulous actress that I am.

I think mania might be easier to understand because it tends to be a bit more wacky and my performances just happen. Right now I’m depressed, which is when I tend to spend more time actually acting, so that’s what I’m going to try to explain. If you look up depression, you will find that it is generally defined by the following symptoms:

depressed mood, inability to experience joy or pleasure, feelings of hopelessness, impaired thinking, concentration and memory, thoughts of death or suicide, preoccupation with feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy and one’s own shortcomings, sleep disturbance, and exhaustion..

Seems easy enough to understand I suppose.

What this actually looks and feels like for me cannot be summed up so easily. I can’t even do it justice on this short blog. But in a nutshell, I guess it’s like this: a feeling of drowning, of being underwater and being unable to rise to the top to catch my breath. I feel like am being weighted or pushed down, and although I raise my hand to the surface for rescue, I am never pulled out. It is a very grey cloud shrouding my entire world, as if I am seeing everything through grey coloured glasses. It is an overwhelming numbness to everything, to the world around me, to my friends, my family, to my life. I can see the joy around me but I cannot partake. I feel nothing. I have no interest in any of the things that I normally take pleasure in. I have no interest in anything at all really. My mission each day is just to get through it. It takes every ounce of energy I have to perform even the smallest of tasks and takes me twice as long. I’m talking taking a shower can be hard to do! I am riddled with anxiety, my thinking and perception of things becomes distorted, so that I start thinking things and ruminating on things that aren’t based on fact or reality. Tears flow freely for reasons I can’t even always explain. I’m tired, oh so very tired. I can’t concentrate, I can’t think, I am so un-present that I may as well not even be in the room. Having a conversation takes all my strength and even then, I may not pull it off, as poor Dave knows all too well. I am anti-social, I ignore my phone, I ignore my email and generally ignore whatever I can because whatever else I’m doing is taking my energy and exhausting me. I don’t want to see or talk to anybody. I just want to be left alone in my thoughts so I don’t have to concentrate, think of a reply to conversation or be “on”. Being social is hard work when I am depressed. In order to interact in a meaningful way, I often put on my acting hat and perform as if I am present.

So I may be in this depressed state, but more likely than not, when you see me, you will think I am doing well. Or you will think I am “better”. I’ll be as sharp, I’ll be as chatty as I always am, I’ll laugh, I’ll make jokes, I’ll be able to be shoulder to lean on, I’ll be having fun. I’ll be happy (“oh but you looked so happy the other night”). It will appear as though I’ve got my shit together and that I’m functioning just great. You may never know that I’m actually really not doing well. Or perhaps if you know me well enough you’ll know that under the surface I’m not totally well, but you’ll see me acting like my happy self and think everything is okay, or at least more okay than it actually is. I call this being “on”. And it is completely exhausting. And I probably do it too much. And it has probably created a bit of a conundrum for me… Because it is so hard to understand the swings of my mood to begin with, it must be hard to understand that you can see me looking and acting just fine and dandy one moment and then be told that really, I’m not doing well at all, that all of what you saw was just me putting on an act, or being “on”. Covering up how I’m really doing so that I can participate in life.

And so you see, that is why I think that really, somewhere along the way, I have probably earned myself an Academy Award for Best Actress in Her Own Bipolar Life.