Canucks Take Gold in Polar Swim!

(posted by ange re: February 28)

Dave and I are the current champions of the Cerro Mar freeze your ass off in the pool swim!

The facts: The pool here is not heated. AT ALL. I liken it to Cultus Lake. Dave compares it to Lynn Canyon, saying the only brain freezes he likes are from 7-11, and therefore will not be submerging his noggin.

Yesterday while I lounged by the pool I was brave enough to dip my legs in. After going numb, it was actually quite pleasant. Today, though, I figured it was go hard or go home. I was going in. All the way. The process of getting in goes something like this: toes in, cold dance, acclimatize. Whole foot in, cold dance, acclimatize. Ankle in…well you get the picture. So a few hours later (okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration) when both Dave and I were fully submerged, sans heads, we took off for the other side of the pool.

As we were almost at the end we could here a man yelling “Congratulations!” We stopped. Looked up. A resident, who is apparently on pool patrol 7 days a week, yelled down “Congratulations! You’re the first ones in this year! You should get a bottle of champagne!” SWEET! Do we ROCK or what??!! Although I don’t know why this guy wasn’t offering up the champagne as our prize.

Missing... (A Blog Dedicated to My Mom)

(posted by ange (written February 27)

Just home from a delicious dinner of grilled sea bass. Ran into our bartender Jose who recommended the place. I am getting the sense that this is a pretty small little world here.

As you’ll have figured out, I also went to the internet café tonight to post my blogs and do some emails. Ended up having little time for emailing, other than to mom. As I sit here now with my nice big cup of tea, all cozy in my sweats, cigarette going, I’m feeling something. Not home sick per se. I certainly don’t want to be at home. Just missing, I guess. I really miss my mom. We talk everyday, even when we have nothing to say to each other. Tonight it is hitting me that I’m not having those calls. I’m out of touch, so to speak. I wonder what is going on or not going on. I know she is missing me like crazy. I had 3 emails from her in my inbox today. I hated that I hadn’t been able to answer them and that she is at home wondering what is going on over here. Yes, I really miss my mom. Not in a sad way, but in that kind of way where there is just something missing. Loret would love it here. Loret would love me here.

Though the world is so connected and communication technology so advanced, being on the other side of the world and 8 hours ahead makes the kind of communication my mom and I have just a little tricky. How many times already I’ve wanted to call her up to tell her something exciting I’ve seen or done. Mom – I can’t wait for the moment when the timing is right and I hear your voice on the other end of the phone. I love you.

For Your Viewing Pleasure...

Some photos taken by Dave today around Albufeira. Many more to follow...

The Albufeira Grind

The Albufeira Grind

(posted by ange while laying poolside on February 27)

Our villa, Cerro Mar sits atop a hill, with the town and ocean below. It is beautiful for the quaintness and wonderful views. Below the hill sits what is referred to as the “Old Town” of Albufeira, with the “new” town being the major tourist development, North American style, on the other side of town. The Old Town (which is what I will be referring to here on in unless otherwise specified) is a maze of small alleys with an open piazza in what could be the middle. Because of the maze of small alleys, it’s really hard to tell. But it seems to be the centre of things. There are 2 ways to get down and up from the town…taxi and foot. While a taxi is extremely cheap, the most common way for any young able bodied person (particularly those from the outdoor activity mecca of the world, Vancouver) to do it is walk.

Let me back track. Everything to do in Albufeira is down hill for us. So we leave our villa and head down a flight of stairs, winding down an alley. There is no signage (at least that I can understand) so you just hope for the best that you don’t make wrong turn. This maze is full of twists and turns, dead ends, and it all looks the same. There are homes and businesses and I supposed if you have a telegraphic memory you’d have no problems finding your way. But if you stick to the stairs, you quickly find yourself in the middle of the main square. The going down actually isn’t so hard.

But the going up! AY! First of all you’ve spend a few hours wondering the town, likely making yourself quite comfortable at some of the local bars. When it’s time to go home, you are nowhere near the main square where you entered off said stairs, and all you know is you have to go up. Now where are those stairs? I should also mention that most of these alleys around the town are uphill. How this can be, I do not know and will have to consult a physicist when I find one. So off you go, traipsing up hill after hill and after hill, certain you’re on the right track. You’re tired from a long night out. You’re drunk from too much good hospitality. Did I mention everything is cobblestone? Forget the cute shoes. Finally, you find the stairs and begin what feels like the trek up to Mt. Everest. It’s like they should have signs every so often (“Only x amount of stairs to go! You can do it!”). It’s exhausting. You’re concentrating on walking somewhat straight up these mammoth stairs, not taking a wrong turn and not tripping on the cobblestone. When you reach the top you expect to see a cheering crowd putting a gold medal around your neck!

This I call the Albufeira Grind. Thankfully as Vancouverites, Dave and I are so used to doing the Grind on a regular basis (YA RIGHT!) that this really is a walk in the park. Ah, but it is beautiful. It reeks of history. It’s part of experience here. And I’ll be coming home with buns of steel!

Some Observations so Far...

(posted by ange poolside on February 27)

Here is what we know so far…

Drinks are cheap. I mean cheap. Too cheap. Last night Dave and I had 2 beers, a grasshopper (cocktail), 2 glasses of wine and an espresso for a total of 17 Euros (about $24C). And we weren’t picking the cheap stuff. The other night I had a glass of wine for 1 euro (I’m talking a COIN here!). The average bottle of wine at the grocery store is 2.50 Euros.

The people here are amazing. Friendly, helpful, downright gregarious! They will go out of their way to help you. I had a man who didn’t know the answer to my question, spend the next 10 minutes asking other people if they new. I asked a cabbie for directions…he literally walked me over to the street I was to start on and spend 10 minutes ensuring I understood where to go. And he wasn’t even getting a fare! We met a man in bar last night who happens to drive a cab. Gave us his number – if we have any questions or need any help, just give him a call. Sit down in a bar or café and you are sure to make new friends. And these people are so genuinely sincere. It gives you hope for humanity after all.

So far we have been lucky with the language. Albufeira is so touristic that everyone speaks English. We do say “obrigada” for thank you and “ola” for hello. I must start learning more, as we are going to be venturing out of tourist-ville soon.

Face clothes. I had to go buy some face clothes, as they are not provided. Just no face clothes. What the hell?! Don’t they wash their faces here?!!!

Double beds. I mean two twin beds pushed together. No big deal. However it would be lovely to share one sheet! Clearly this is a strong Roman Catholic country! We are on our way to buy a sheet!

Washing machines. That’s it, just washing machines. No dryers. I don’t think anyone here has dryers, as you see laundry hanging out to dry everywhere. Our laundry is hanging on the line on the patio as we speak.

Albufeira is extremely CLEAN. Spotless. I haven’t seen a piece of garbage anywhere. Vancouver could take a few lessons.

Sidewalks are for cars to park on! Streets are for pedestrians to walk. No, I am not kidding and will include a picture of this oddity at some point. The drivers are definitely crazy and you must take care. I am pretty sure pedestrians have no rights.

Safety. It feels so safe here. I have not hesitated to go out at night alone. The first night we arrived, while Dave was jet lagged, I was full of energy, so made my way down to the town. Had a great time, met some lovely people over a drink in a bar and felt like I was home. While there may not be a lot of people around while hiking the hill from hell late at night, it’s well lit, people are friendly and I have no qualms about my safety here. I feel just as safe, if not safer, than I do in the Westend.

Albufeira is under a lot of construction…there is a lot of development going on. This once small fishing village is already a large tourist destination. The “new” town already looks like just any other modern city. I hope the development on this side does not ruin the charm of the old town.

In summary, to be in such a place where there is beauty everywhere, both in nature and architecture, where the sun shines and the sky stays blue and where time has no real meaning…where each day can spontaneously happen as it does…this is a life that is charmed. I am blessed to be in this wonderful place with Dave, where we both enjoy living in the moment and going with the flow and where we both can truly appreciate how lucky we are to be here…at this moment, sitting by the pool, enjoying the last of the afternoon rays before allowing the evening to take us where it may. This is life and life, my friends, is very, very good.

The New Digs

(posted by ange re: Monday February 26)

No matter how great a brochure looks, one never knows what they are really getting until they arrive at their accommodations. We were confident our place would be fabulous, but still, there is always that niggling thought, what if… if it’s dirty, it smells, the location is bad; it is not at all what it is represented to be.

Well, we are currently living in the most FABULOUS villa in Albufeira. It’s brand new, so new we don’t think anyone has stayed in this room before. I figure it must be close to 800 square, feet not including the patio. We have a huge bedroom with tons of closet space. It has a small desk and a door out to the patio. A very large bathroom with enough room for every product I brought with me and even Dave’s stuff. The coat closet is bigger than our closet at home. I could probably live in it. The kitchen. Oh the kitchen. It’s HUGE. We have a dishwasher and a washing machine. All new utensils, pots, pans, etc. and again, a door out to the patio. The living room/dining room is also spacious, with a couch and love seat and large kitchen table. Again, a door goes out to the patio. Are you figuring out just how big this patio is? It’s absolutely beautiful, modern with French doors and everything. Having tea on the patio in the sunshine this morning was heaven. This is so what life is all about. Pics are attached below, but don’t do it justice, since my photo taking skills aren’t of the highest calibre!

The only oddities…we have 2 towels and that is it. If we want more it’s 6 euro per day. No face clothes. I had to buy those. No dish clothes…again we had to buy those. We have an ironing board, but no iron. We have to go across the street to the office to sign out the iron if we need to use it. And none of the staples like sugar, salt, pepper, etc. were included. When in Portugal, I guess. We did a big shop today to get some proper supplies and some food. We found out we can have a BBQ and saw a little hibachi for 10 euro that we’re going back to buy tomorrow.

I am in absolute heaven in this place! I could live here forever, so if I don’t come home, don’t be surprised. Between the inside and the amazing patio overlooking the pool…well, this far exceeds my expectations! We are off to an amazing start!

The Flight

(posted by ange re: February 24/25)

The flight pretty much went off without a hitch. We arrived at 11:30 with way too many clothes packed. There was no way I was carrying all my gear without a cart. After a short line up we were able to check in and I was able to get the coveted window seat, without even having to play the “I have Bipolar, I MUST sleep the entire flight and leaning against the window is the only way this will happen” card. Once we boarded I became anxious about taking my meds in time to be able to wake up in Frankfurt, so I took them before dinner with STRICT instructions that Dave wake me for the meal. Why, I don’t know because I think airplane food is the raunchiest thing ever, it shouldn’t even count as food and I had no plan to eat it anyways!

Well, he was good on his word and woke me up. Oops. Bit of a mistake. I was owly and becoming just a little agitated, included yelling at the people behind me for requesting I put my seat upright while they ate. What nerve! I took more meds and ended up sleeping the rest of the way to Frankfurt. Dave advised me that he will never wake me up for a meal again. Period.

As soon as we got off the plane in Frankfurt I could smell smoke. Halleluljah! We bee- lined it for the smoking area. This is not some stuffy room. These are just parts of the walkways where you can smoke. NICE! We then bee-lined to two different bars for beers and more smoking. Go Frankfurt!

It was then back on a plane for a short flight down to Faro. No problems. Since I had been getting a bit agitated in Frankfurt I took some more meds and slept for the duration of the flight.

Needless to say, I was well rested and feeling good when we arrived at our villa! Moral of the story: Drug up people. Drug up!

Oh, I must also mention that as you board Lufthansa, there is a long table full of newspapers and magazines free for the taking, so I scored a New Yorker. You would have thought I won the lottery. Dave chose Details. As you can see we are on two completely different intellectual levels!

Bloggin' Away

Greetings from Portugal...I've been a busy blogger, trying to fill you in on all the happenings. Instead of one big blog, you're four. Four for the the price of one! What a deal. Hope you enjoy.

ange

ADEUS!

(posted by ange)

Before I say "adeus", I would like to say that I CAN NOT BELIEVE nobody had anything to say about that classic Expo garbage bag passing as a raincoat!!! I am still laughing at that thing. Hmmm. I wonder if I should take some more meds.

That said, it is time!!!!! I can't believe that this time tomorrow I'm going to be all moved into my new villa by the sea! I picked up my passport. Have to say the picture is not too bad, although I am pink. And I don't mean like I have a little sun. I mean like they coloured the picture with a pink crayon. Anyways, I now feel smug and like I can go anywhere I want simply by flashing this little booklet. What power! All our last minute errands were completed and in time for me to get a pedicure. Wonderful. I am completely packed save for my last minute toiletries in the morning, which I have set out on top of the toilet so I can actually see them (like I'm not going to remember when I go to put my make up on!).

My most wonderful friend Kim is picking us up at 11:00. Lufthansa opens at 11:30 and I want to be there right away to request a window seat. Since I have to sleep for 8 hours, I figure it would be nice to lean on the window. I may even play the Bipolar card if I have to! Shit, I should use it to get something good if I can. Ha. Ha. This is a joke. Sort of.

So, as they say in Portugal, Adeus. I just spent 20 minutes with the phrase book trying to figure out "talk to you soon" but I can't get it, so talk to you soon!

Photo Time!

(posted by ange)

I just learned how to add photos here, so I'm going to play a little catch up, do a little practice, and share some photos of some of the things Dave and I have done recently. We're such a darn cute couple, you won't be able to help but smile and sigh and think we should be on the cover of some cute couple magazine. gag, gag, gag.

Seriously though....a bit of day tripping....

I took up skiing this year, as many of you know. We've made a couple trips to Whistler and a few to Cypress. It's been amazing every time for me, just being on the mountain. There is such a sense of freedom in being on the mountain, that close to nature and having a force beyond you propel you down a hill. It's an amazing rush. Here are a few of our skiing escapades...

1. My first day on skis at Whistler. 2. Dave and I in line at Cypress

Me taking a break at Cypress

Dave and I at Blackcomb, again, my first day

As you know, just before Christmas we took advantage of a timeshare deal to spend the weekend up in Whistler. It was a most wonderful weekend where we enjoyed a most beautiful hotel, the lights of the village, and of course, some skiing.

Entrance to the Marriott Residence Inn

Dave and I at the base of Blackcomb - A Winterwonderland!




Lights in the Village at night - beautiful!

Christmas day was spent in the traditional way...drinking and playing poker with friends. My friend Kim hosted, Dave graciously played dealer, the majority of us spent more time talking than paying attention to the game and someone Junko, who had never played before, took all our money. Warning...the following images show people old enough to know better than to be that intoxicated!!!!!

THE PLAYERS

Don't mess with Dave the Dealer

Apparently those weren't my chips! Damn!

New Year's Eve...after practicing up on Christmas Day, it was time to hit the real tables. After some wine, pizza and wine at my lovely friend Kim's place, we hit the Edgewater Casino. No big winners, but no big losers. Dave was Even Steven as usual. I was down maybe 10 bucks and I don't think Kim was down much either. Dave and I now have the blackjack bug. We are looking forward to gambling in Portugal!

Practicing before we go!

Happy Couple Ready to Ring in 2007

And there you have it for now. A little photo essay of the life of Ange and Dave. I will definitely be sending photos on the blog from Portugal. It's so super easy now that they've changed it!

Cheers!

Relic in Nana's Suitcase

I am all packed and ready to go. Yes, I realize I do not leave until Saturday...call me crazy, obsessive, over-eager, over-excited, or perhaps just plain organized! But I could not stand the piles of "stuff to be packed" creating what could perhaps be comparable to a great corn maze in our apartment.

I have borrowed Nana's suitcase for the trip, being that since I rarely go anywhere requiring more than a knapsack, the only packing utility I own is a small gym bag. I was doing a tremendous job of fitting everything into the case (rolling is definitely the key!) when I reached into the outside pocket to get an idea of what could fit in there. I could feel a bunch of stuff and what did I pull out, among a map of Las Vegas, a clipping of Ann Landers giving tips on slot machines, an outdated looking information card entitled "Federal Regulation Carry on Size", a Samsonite packing guide, and a 1998 brochure entitled "Bon Voyage But...Information for the Canadian Traveler (interestingly with a photo of the planet earth and a space ship!)? With all this amazing information and memorabilia, I could not believe my luck when at last I pulled out an official Expo 86 "Rain Shield" (i.e. garbage bag with holes cut out for your head and arms.) The tag line reads "Enjoy the "Fair" Weather or Not". Uh em...Expo 86...what is this doing in Nana's suitcase?

Anyways, the instructions (in case you don't know how to stick a garbage bag over your head) are priceless: 1. Unroll Shield (nice marketing, it's a shield, not a garbage bag). 2. Pull out all folds from centre crease of shield. 3. Pull over head and put arms through slot. Reusable.

This beauty had never been opened until I had to pull it out and try it on. CLASSIC! Fit me beautifully, except, as you can see, I had put it on backwards so the hood was in my face.

No worries though, I quickly removed it and folded it up as it came as we wondered if we could perhaps put this up for bids on Ebay. Then again, it could be quite a fashion statement if it rains in Portugal. Oh what to do!

My final thought...Nana, it's 2007!!!! Get that suitcase out a little more!

The Big Bra Adventure!

(posted by ange)

Ladies, I'm sure you will appreciate this. Gents, well, if you ever had to try to fit those things into a supportive, yet comfortable, yet pretty garment, well, you wouldn't be laughing.

Let me preface this by saying I HATE BRAS! IF IT WERE UP TO ME I'D NEVER WHERE ANOTHER BRA AGAIN IN MY LIFE. BRING BACK THE BRA BURNING DAYS OF THE '70'S I SAY! Except that I know I'd look like a fool, so I will.

So, with all this medication I'm on I've gained some weight. No, it's not the cookies, cheezies, donuts, chocololate and generally binging. It is definitely the medication. So as my stomach has expanded into a budda belly, my "girls" have also expanded into a whole new cup size. I've been squishing myself into bras so small that parts of me are falling out and the whole thing is so tight I often think I am going to suffocate. I can't even lift my arms without the whole damn thing lifting right off! Not to mention they look riduculous under some of my clothes. Some would think this bust increase is fabulous, however I would like them lobbed off and go back to the A-cup days where I couldn't tell they were there and wearing a bra was really quite redundant.

But alas, a bra is now a necessity unless I want to look like I hopped off the Surrey Skytrain because I live there! So, off I go to do my most dreaded task...look for new bras.

I decide on La Senza for price, cute selection and a friend showed me hers and it appears amazingly comfortable. I am amazed to find out I am a C-cup (no wonder my current bras are so damn uncomfortable!!!!) One hour later and we have picked out some bras, none of which they carry in my size. They call around and Brentwood has them.

First thing yesterday morning I'm on the skytrain, heading to suburbia and Brentwood Centre. I figure I'll pick up my bras and the few other things I need. Another hour in La Senza and I have the bras I can for, except the one in black, which is at Lougheed Mall. I glance around Brentwood and feel out of my element with my "usual" stores nowhwere in sight. So, back on the Skytrain and further into suburbia to Lougheed mall. Quite quickly I get my bra, decide matching underwear are well deserved for me and a little treat for Dave (I'm a cotton girl - not so sexy). Again, my "usual stores" are not around so I figure, well, I'm at Lougheed, may as well do the loop...onto the Skytrain and off to Metrotown where I hit Old Navy, get they few things I need, stop at Jacob Lingerie for my cotton underwear (how am I going to wear silky underwear all the time? how am I going to wear it ever?!! I must have a cotton supply!).

Finally all purchases in order, I am back on the train and make the final loop back to Burrard Station. So, 8 hours later I have sexy bras that fit, some sexy and not no sexy underwear, a couple last items of clothing and a pack of Mentos.

In summary: Day pass for Skytrain: $8. Pack of Mentos: $1. Money given to begging woman at Burard Station: $3. Sexy lingerie: cannot disclose. Clothes from Old Navy: cannot disclose. Riding the entire Skytrian route, Millenium and Expo Line: boring. Look on Dave's face when he saw my new lingerie: PRICELESS!!!!

Men...be thankful you don't have to stuff two globs of jello-like sacs into a tight little contraption every day!

CORRECTION NOTICE

(posted by ange)

I just received formal notice from my friend Maj regarding the quote of hers I published in the previous blog. Apparently I misquoted Maj and she would like a retraction and correction printed! I quoted Maj as saying "[I am] the sanest craziest person [she] has ever met."

I RETRACT THIS QUOTE!

What Maj really said was "...that you're the only crazy friend I have, but one of the most sane people I know. Seriously!" (exclamation point added by myself because, like Elaine, I happen to like them and I'm sure Maj would have used one.)

So, now don't you all wish you crazy so you could be so sane?

Trip Planning Pushes Woman, 35, Over the Edge

(posted by ange)

Well, you may have noticed a little absence from yours truly here. When signing up for this fabulous trip to Portugal, the travel agents, travel books, internet web sites, friends, family and general public neglected to inform me that the planning phase of said trip would be somewhat stressful, to understate the fact.

Let's have a little recap of just a few of the challenges, I was so lucky to face...

1. The Passport.

Went down to the passport office on December 28, 2006. While waiting in line, an important (insert sarcasm) passport official walked the line encouraging anyone who did not require their passport in the next few weeks to mail it in, so as not to have to wait in line. The line jumpers (including myself) were assured they would receive their passport by January 25, 2007. Great!

January 25 passes. January 28 passes. February 1 passes. I leave in 23 days and have no passport. I call the Passport Office. Yep, they have my passport. Received it January 2. Are currently opening envelopes from December 18. My envelope is unopened and sitting with thousands of others in box 250. Super! I am told I best apply for a new birth certificate and completely re-apply for my passport. Fabulous!

Cost of birth certificate (one of which I already have, sitting in box 250 in Gatineau, Quebec): $92. Cost of new photos (again, already have 'em sitting in box 250 in Gatineau): $12. Getting up early to stand in riduculous line at Passport Office: Beyond Irritating. Cost of rush application of passport: $117. Passport being ready to pick up the day before I leave: Major Heart Palpitations. Trip to Portugal: Better be Goddamn Priceless!!!!

2. Next, Clothing.

Okay, it's going to be spring in Portgual, better dig out all my cute spring outfits from last year. Seeing all the cute clothes in my chest: lovely. Getting the feeling none of said clothes will fit me: frightening! Trying on said clothes: depressing. Okay, we've got 8 articles of clothing that will pass and no money to buy clothes to fit new found "curves" (read: chunky fat). Visions of looking cute and sexy in Portugal: disappearing.

Not one to fear spending money she doesn't have, some shopping was done and my amazing friend Kim came to the rescue with a huge pile of loaners.

3. Money.

Will I ever learn? I am not a saver. (May I say I this is a genetic predisposition passed on by my dad). Maybe if I had some sort of normal income, I could be a saver. But I do not. No, I am one those people others cringe at who live pay cheque to pay cheque, credit to credit. I resign myself to the fact that I will never actually have money that is my own, that does not belong to Visa, Line of Credit or Overdraft. That's okay. I get by and money is only money. Or at least that's what I tell my shopoholic self. However, as Portugal gets closer, I begin to wonder what the hell I am doing embarking on a trip that nobody on a small disability pension should be going on. Picture the stress MOUNTING. I mean MOUNTING!!!! I'm good to go, got a plane ticket, got a place to stay. But then what? Will I have to beg in the streets for my food? How will I buy shoes? Oh wait, Visa will be with me. Whew. But then I think they expect me to pay it back when I come home. So, the ever stressful money factor. But I think I"ll wait til later to really get my knickers in a knot about this.


4. Onto my mental state.

Medication that did wonders for my mood: fabulous. Same medication causing all kinds of horrible sides effects: bite me. Result: off that medication. Since I'm going away, we can't try any of the dwindling options left, so it's increase the Lithium and hope for the best. As all the stress mounts, my mental state deteriorates and I become somewhat psychotic. Going on huge doses of antipsychotics: probably quite pricesless for those around me. For me, I am now a dumbed-down, slowed down, non-functioning, one flew over the cuckoo's nest nut! My trip is now in jeapordy and by last weekend I'm told by my wonderful support team of Loret, Dave and Kim that if I can't get it together by Wednesday (that's 2 days from now), the trip is off. Uh ya, do what you want, I'm going to Portugal. I can be a psychotic mess there jsut as well as here!

But seriously, this was the most devestating stress. I like to be as positive as possible about my illness and not dwell on any type of "poor me" attitude. It is what it is and I can certainly live with it. If fact I am the first to say that I would not trade my illness and think it has given me a kind of life that I may not have necessarily chosen, but that I am more than happy to have. But sometimes, like this time, I had to think "why me"? Sometimes it just doesn't seem fair. When I am really sick there are literally chunks of my life that I don't remember and therefore are gone to me. Permanently. Kind of like when you partied too much that one night and are missing 4 hours of your life. Only this is a little longer. When I can't do things I normally do I feel like I am ripped off by the chemical crap shoot my brain has been dealt. And mostly there is a tremendous amount of anger and guilt that comes with the behaviour that occurs and how I treat other people. I want it to be in my control, but it is not. The hurt that I cause others, in my mind, cannot be easily repaired and the guilt is overwhelming. This recent struggle has been stressful. I know from experience that I will accept myself and love myelf despite it all. But these past few weeks have really been tough ones.

So, this whole time has been a blurr and I don't remember much. But I do know I am a lucky lady to have Dave remaining in our home, to have my mother love me as much as ever and to have a friend like Kim who once again, becomes a rock and supports not only me, but my mom and Dave too. And on top of these amazing, amazing troopers, I have wonderful friends who love me and never judge me and just accept me as I am, when I am well, and when I am not. I love my friend Maj, who once told me that I am the sanest crazy person she has ever met!

So today is Monday. I'm doing better. All day, no heavy drugs. No freak outs. My head is fairly clear. I'm writing this, aren't I? I was out on my own doing errands. I survived the mall!!! I am tired but feeling positive and more sane. I know our trip is on. And I've survived not only the stress of preparing for a trip, but I have one more crazy episode under my belt. :)

Thanks for reading.